Monkey See, Monkey Do

I’m not the most vocal person in the world. I very rarely raise my voice, and this applies to my parenting style as well. If Caden isn’t listening to me or is upset, I use touch and proximity to get his attention. I try to look right in his face, and if he avoids me, I will either pick him up or hold his head in my hands. Then I talk to him in a quiet voice. I have never understood the benefits of speaking loudly; it seems that it’s just an easy way to be ignored eventually – soon it turns into a droning sound.

Some people are different, however. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I wish I could speak up more than I do. But it’s amazing how kids pick up on these different styles.

Caden was trying to get the attention of his cousin, 4 year old Kevin, a few weeks ago. Kevin kept avoiding him and wasn’t listening to what Caden had to say. So Caden stepped in and took Kevin’s face in his hands. Kevin still looked away, but he didn’t try to push Caden off. Kevin kept moving his face away from Caden’s, but Caden kept trying to come face to face with Kevin.

After witnessing this somewhat mundane event, I felt this huge weight on my shoulders. Every day, I am an example to my child on how to behave in the world. I am by no means perfect; how am I ever going to be the person he should try to live up to? This worry plagues me every second that he’s near me: am I doing the right thing? How can I do this better? What does behavior really say to him? It’s amazing how much kids pick up on, and if I’m the least bit crabby Caden knows it, no matter how I try to hide it. The best I can do is love him and every moment with him, and just do my best.

That’s really all anyone can ask of us.

MY mommy

I'm a working mom, and I still feel conflicted about it. It seems I missing out on the "best years" of my child's life while I while away the hours working at a job that isn't directly correlated to my passions in life (namely, my family, music and the outdoors). Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job, but sometimes I am anti-business, meaning that I just plain don't like business, profit, commercialism, etc. I don't need to get rich and don't understand other people who want to be rich; it seems to me that's a recipe for someone else not having enough. But I will ramble on about that in another post.

It’s especially hard for me to go to work each day when I say, “It’s time to go to daycare,” and Caden, my 2 year old, whines, “Nooo. No like it.” But we barrel through, and by the time we get there, after a hug, kiss and “I love you,” he’s happy to play with his friends.

The happy surprise comes at the end of the day, when I walk in to pick him up. He jumps up, yells “MY mommy!!” and runs to the top of the stairs to greet me, as if no other mommy will do. He sounds so proud to have me as his mother. I know this will change in the teen years, but having this special place in his life is what keeps me going through the potty training accidents (how exactly do you take off Elmo underwear that is full of wet, heavy poop without getting it all over him from the waist down?), the temper tantrums, the occasional lack of sleep, and the hours spent doing things that only Caden wants to do – over and over again.

Welcome

Hey everyone, and welcome to my new blog. I've been wanting to set this up for some time. I have my musician Myspace and my facebook page for friends, but I wanted a place to put all my thoughts about motherhood, because it really is the focus of my life right now.

About the title:
Originally, I would have liked to begin with tales of breastfeeding and new baby woes, but of course I wouldn't have had time to blog while all that was going on!! Now is a time for reflection, piecing it all together, and sharing what I have learned on this journey called Motherhood.

So read on if interested, I'm hoping to cover a lot of material as far as what worked, what didn't and everything else...