Monkey See, Monkey Do

I’m not the most vocal person in the world. I very rarely raise my voice, and this applies to my parenting style as well. If Caden isn’t listening to me or is upset, I use touch and proximity to get his attention. I try to look right in his face, and if he avoids me, I will either pick him up or hold his head in my hands. Then I talk to him in a quiet voice. I have never understood the benefits of speaking loudly; it seems that it’s just an easy way to be ignored eventually – soon it turns into a droning sound.

Some people are different, however. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I wish I could speak up more than I do. But it’s amazing how kids pick up on these different styles.

Caden was trying to get the attention of his cousin, 4 year old Kevin, a few weeks ago. Kevin kept avoiding him and wasn’t listening to what Caden had to say. So Caden stepped in and took Kevin’s face in his hands. Kevin still looked away, but he didn’t try to push Caden off. Kevin kept moving his face away from Caden’s, but Caden kept trying to come face to face with Kevin.

After witnessing this somewhat mundane event, I felt this huge weight on my shoulders. Every day, I am an example to my child on how to behave in the world. I am by no means perfect; how am I ever going to be the person he should try to live up to? This worry plagues me every second that he’s near me: am I doing the right thing? How can I do this better? What does behavior really say to him? It’s amazing how much kids pick up on, and if I’m the least bit crabby Caden knows it, no matter how I try to hide it. The best I can do is love him and every moment with him, and just do my best.

That’s really all anyone can ask of us.